Tuesday, 16 December 2014

20 Things For 20 Year Old Women

I know there are a lot of these sort of posts going around at the minuet, with helpful advice, and funny jokes for every woman everywhere. Some are funny, and they all make you feel better when you're having a hard time because it's just nice to know that every other woman in the western world is going through the exact same thing as you. I decided to do one myself for just 365 days (366 if it's a leap year) of every woman's life.  In the time since I turned twenty, a lot, a lot of stuff has happened, and I feel like I have some little nuggets of advice to give anyone newly entering the third decade of their lives.

1) The Job You're in is Not Your Life

Working in a coffee shop, or in retail or answering the phone for your Dad's window cleaning business is all fine. You are twenty, you don;t need to have your crap together yet, so you're not working for Vogue and wearing Louboutin's - very few actually are. If you have enough money to impulse buy a Topshop playsuit, go for drinks with your mates, then your'e doing great. Your job should only ever be to fund your life, it shouldn't be your life.

2) Your Family are the Best

They will always support you and love you and pick you up when you need it. They will text you at random intervals with the two words 'You ok'. They are one of the main reasons why you are the wonderful person in the mirror today. Everybody's family is different I know, but the family I mean in this sense are the people who will never let you go too far from them, that always keep you near - even if you're on the other side of the globe. Even though you are now and adult, you are forever a baby to your parents.

3) Relationships Take Two

You do not have to be in a relationship when you're 20. In fact you don't even need to have ever been in one. But one day you will be and this is an important fact. They take two people giving 50/50. Not one giving 100%, not one giving 70% and the other 30% - not even 55/45. Any relationship you enter into - and I mean any from love of your life to friends with benefits needs to be equal. If you are the one putting in all the effort you need to get out. Likewise if you're putting in less than your partner you need to get out. For your sake and theirs. You are amazing by yourself, a relationship should only enhance your life.

4) Friendships Will Always Be There No Matter How Long It's Been

I don't have a great many friends, I have people I enjoy spending time with, but as for friends, I can count them on one hand. I have two fantastic, strong, independent best friends though, who I see very rarely now. One is at University so I only see her at Christmas and Summer, and the other works office hours which conflict with my retail all day everyday hours. But no matter how long it's been, we will still talk like nothing's changed, we still debate sexism, talk about our futures and drink copious amounts of coffee. If I went a year without hearing from them and then met up for a coffee, we would still be those three fifteen year old girls on the cycle track behind the school on a Wednesday talking about bearded guys.

5) A Long Bath and a Haircut Will Change Your Perceptive

So your manager yelled at you, the guy you like won't text you back, everyones out of the house and you feel like the world just got too small? I've been there - you've been there - the girl three rows behind you on the bus has been there. Invest in some Lush bath bombs and always have some in stock. Run a hot bath, put on a face mask and listen to a playlist of Taylor Swift, P!nk and Lily Allen. Your mood will boost. Then go to your hairdressers and get your locks chopped. You will come out that salon feeling like a new woman who can take on the world. 

6) Speak Up

Just because you're that girl who likes to keep people happy doesn't mean you have to be miserable. If something happens at work, at home or on the street that makes your blood boil - say something! You were born with a mouth so use it. If the boys at work are being offensive about women you can snap at them. It is inappropriate comments made to you about your arse, boobs or what it would be like to sleep with you, you can fight back. You do not have to listen to it. If someone slams your beliefs in Buddhism, you can snap at them. If someone tries to lecture you on how bad it is to be vegan with 'facts' - you can fire back with actual facts.

7) Keep at It and You Will Get There

I know you have big, crazy dreams. What would be crazy is if you didn't. I know it's hard to get a step on the ladder of your career though, because everyone want's experience before they'll give you a job - or even an unpaid internship - but how can you get the experience if no one will take you on? It's hard and difficult - and even more difficult if your for-go university. But if you keep on working, and quietly plugging away and trying our very best, eventually you will get there.

8) Where Were You When You Were Ten?

I'm sure you once thought that by the time you were twenty you'd have it all figured out, and you feel like you're no where. But when you were ten did you have your life together? Did you earn yoru own money? Did you even know what you wanted to do? No, of course not. In those ten years what did you do? You might have run for school council and had a new water fountain put in.  You might of had your work displayed in the main foyer of the college. You might of had a new article about you in the local paper. Now look at how far you've come - you're actually pretty successful.

9) Move Out

I do not mean this in anyway that if you haven't you are Wolowitz from Big Bang Theory. If it makes sense, and you can afford it and you have someone to move in with - do it. You learn so much about yourself and just what your capable of once you say goodbye to your parents. Yes, I do still go home for at least one night a week, but I am finically independent and I am out in this big wide world. I still feel scared because for the first time in my life I'm relying completely on myself, but it's also rather freeing because I'm completely relying on myself.

10) Pilates and Yoga are Life Long Friends

Your body when you twenty is likely to be the best it ever has been or ever will be. If you want it to stay like that you do need to lead a healthy lifestyle. I'm not saying cut the chocolate and Two for Tuesday's at Domino's, but if you remember to exercise at least once a week you will be the better for it. Plus yoga is really calming, makes me feel much better and happier after a long day.

11) Cut the Neggy

There are some people in your life who's soul purpose is to drag your right down and make you feel small. You do not need these people. They are poison. Cut them loose now before they make a lasting effect on your life.

12) Money Does Not Grow On Trees

Believe me, and that last week of the month os going to be a hell of living on porridge and getting up extra early to walk to work if you aren't careful. Save money when you can, because you never know what might happen. You might loose your job, in which case you would be really glad of some savings. Or you might get offered a fantastic job opportunity in New York and you will need that money for starting your new life. Budget everything, save everything else, and you'll be ready for anything.

13) It's Okay to be Wrong

You are going to cock up a lot. You will argue a point to the death only to have someone show you the evidence to the contrary. You will say hurtful things that you will regret and have to apologise for you. You will make huge devastating life choice that you regret. It's all okay. Just keep going through, one day at a time and always be humble. You will be fine.

14) You are the Only Person Who Really Cares About Your Body

Honestly. Think about how much you care about your body - everyone else cares about theres just as much. In fact they're all so wrapped up caring about their body that they really haven't got the time to care about yours. 

15) Let It Go

No, not the song. That thing you obsess over at 1am when you can't sleep? The one that still make you hang your head in shame? Yeah let it go - no one even remembers it anymore, only you.

16) Wine By Yourself at 3 pm is Perfectly Acceptable

Life sucks sometimes, pour some red wine, watch friends, have a little cry. It's normal. Sometimes you have a crap day and your friends are all busy, or your having a normal day but you just need an alcohol induced lift. It's fine, I promise you.

17) What You Class as Fun Might be Different to Everyone Else

Some people like to be home by 11, have a shower and read a book. Others like to spend money to get into a club and spend more money. Both have their merits. But if you enjoy one, and your friend enjoys the other, leave them to it. Maybe join them a couple of times, and they might join you next. But do not shame someone because they say 'I'm going to call it a night' when the party's just starting.

18) Having Emergency Chocolate in Your Sock Drawer is Fine

It is better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it. It makes us all feel slightly happier. But invest in the good stuff. A bar of Lindt dark chocolate is going to make you much happier than pound shop cheap rubbish.

19) Good Skin Care Now is Going to Save You in Another Decade

Like your body, your skin is probably in the best condition it ever has or ever will be. Post acne, and Pre wrinkles. But to prolong that for as long as possible, moisturise with a good brand now, wear spf all year round, and always take off make up. Your skin will thank you.

20) Everything is Always Okay in the End

Sometimes shit happens. But it will always be okay, everyone has shit thrown at them, and it's how you respond that defines you. If everything is truly awful, call your Dad or your Mum and make a plan. Once you have a plan everything is much better. Plus you can always get out. Yes you can get out of that job you hate even though you need to pay the bills. Yes you can break up with the person who is making you feel awful. Yes you can be incredible. Yes you can be the role model your daughter will look up to. If it's not okay - it's not the end.
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